It's been nearly eight months since I stopped commuting and started creating full-time. I haven't grown my business as much as I hoped, but *I* am growing. Goodness gracious, the growth.
Witnessing others facing, and taking, their own leaps of faith wakes me up to where I'm letting fear dominate my otherwise indomitable spirit.
There's practically nothing I won't try, or learn, or explore... unless it's scary. Then I run away. Because it's either scary, or it's safe. Right?
Wrong. Apparently it's both. It's and/or. Either/or. Yes and yes.
It's totally safe to grow, to expand, to try new things, to take risks and leaps and startle yourself when you accomplish something truly breathtaking.
It's also totally scary. SO TOTALLY SCARY.
I can't count how many times I've heard wise teachers, writers, entrepreneurs, creators, and spiritual leaders say these words. That growth is scary, and you have to figure out how to live with the fear. To befriend it, invite it in for tea, take vacations with it. Move in together. Start a life together. Become one.
Over and over I've heard it.
But today, I GET it. I feel it, in my bones and my heart and my lungs and my brain.
No amount of caution and planning and careful decision making will erase the fear, not when you choose to clear your own path through the forest. It will simply come along for the journey. And when you allow it to join you, instead of running away from it, it becomes your guide, your navigator, and your friend.
There's no one way to get to this place, of realizing the fear is here forever, that it won't always equal pain, of understanding it means you're doing everything RIGHT. We all come to it however we must, in the way that is proper.
Now that I am here, crying a little and feeling utterly poleaxed, I hardly know what to do with myself. If you've arrived before me, you know exactly what I mean.
And if you're still on that journey, to where fear becomes your friend, to you I say, "Brave soul. It is not easy. I am here for you. How can I help?"